FRIENDSHIP
Recently, I took a walk with my dear friend, Terry, through our local botanical garden. We bonded over our mutual awe of botany and savored the delicate scent offered so generously by tiny snowdrops, the first blooms of the year. We agreed that their perfume seemed richer because we were experiencing it together. We mused over the idea that the flower was intentionally emitting more of her precious scent as a response to our delight.
Peppered between our oohs and aahs as we spotted life emerging from the winter-kissed ground, we shared the state of our hearts. Our walks are rare, so we deliberately don’t waste our time gossiping or discussing meteorology. Instead, we show up fully for one another with vulnerability, trust, and mutual admiration. We share our struggles, and when we do, their weight lessens. Similarly, when we share our blessings, they feel even richer because we get to celebrate them together.
On this particular walk, my friend opened up about the intricacies of a difficult situation he is navigating - one that has been creating a great deal of stress in his life. Finding his way through this situation has felt especially urgent because he has also been experiencing medical issues with his heart. The stress isn’t just emotional; it’s actually exacerbating his medical condition. This came as no surprise to either of us, as stress, after all, is our body preparing for fight or flight. And when that response becomes chronic, the cascade of physiological changes can wreak havoc on the cardiovascular system (among others).
So we leaned in.
We walked slowly, processing the complexity of the situation step by step, while the silent audience of early blooms bore witness to our conversation and our friendship. He arrived at some beautiful conclusions and felt empowered to steer himself forward on a healing path paved with compassion and self-respect. It was an honor to witness his process.
When it was time to part ways, he paused suddenly, and in a moment of revelation with a single clap for emphasis, said,
“You are good for me!”
Those words have continued to echo in me long after our walk:
You are good for me.
Our friendship is good for his cardiac health. Good for his happiness. Good for his life.
And it made me wonder: how often do we recognize the profound role our relationships play in our well-being?
Another dear friend, Kelly, once shared a metaphor with me that I also return to often:
“Friends are either drains or fountains”.
You know the feeling.
Coming from a place of obligation rather than desire, you agree to meet up with someone. You half-listen because you can’t fully engage in all the negativity, and when you leave, you feel depleted, like something has been siphoned from you.
Those are drains.
Then there are the other friends. The ones whose invitation makes you immediately rearrange your schedule. The ones who leave you feeling more yourself, more inspired, more hopeful. When you part ways, the energy lingers and you find yourself in better service to the world.
Those are fountains.
The difference is whether the relationship ultimately nourishes or depletes the life force within you.
And science backs up what our hearts already know.
The Harvard Study of Adult Development is the longest in-depth study of human life ever conducted. It began in 1938 and set out to understand human health by investigating not what made people sick, but what made them thrive. Its conclusion is strikingly simple: the quality of our relationships is the strongest predictor of happiness, health, and longevity.
Not wealth. Not fame. Not career success.
Relationships.
Deep, supportive friendships literally protect our bodies and minds as we move through life. Period.
High five to all the besties and fountains out there!
And bonus… this kind of nourishment doesn’t require being popular or having dozens of friends. Having ONE, or if you're lucky, two fountains is enough. And if you’ve won the lottery, you may have encountered in your lifetime what the Irish call your anam ċara.
The Gaelic phrase anam ċara translates to “soul friend.” Think of it like a soul mate but for friends. The late poet and philosopher John O'Donohue writes lyrically about this concept in his book by the same name. He describes the friendship between anam ċara as an act of deep recognition. This might be familiar to you. Have you ever met someone, seemingly for the first time, yet felt a deeper recognition and connection to them, as if your bond had been established a millennia ago? In that numinous encounter, there is a flash of recognition and the embers of kinship begin to glow once more.
A few days after that special garden walk with Terry (which is now a monthly commitment), I was driving with my kids when a bumper sticker caught my eye.
It read:
“Is your friend okay?”
Such a simple question, yet it took my breath away.
We know from research what our hearts already tell us: relationships are foundational to a meaningful life. They are one of the greatest drivers of happiness and resilience. And they are critical for our survival as a social species.
But meaningful friendships don’t maintain themselves. They require our care, our vulnerability, and our willingness to show up as fountains for one another. ALL of us are going through hard things; it is simply part of the human experience. But the results of going through hard things together is nothing short of alchemy. Burdens grow lighter when shared. And blessings blossom in community.
Perhaps tending our friendships is one of the most meaningful ways we spend our lives.
This month we celebrate the 150th anniversary of the first telephone call, made by Alexander Graham Bell. To honor this communication milestone, I have a suggestion: Pick up the phone and call one of the fountains in your life.
Tell them something simple and true:
“You are good for me.”
Pick a prompt that jumps out to you and explore this month’s theme for yourself:
Who in your life feels like a fountain friend or anam ċara for you? How can you recognize and prioritize them, even in the smallest way?
Is there a relationship in your life that leaves you feeling drained? What boundaries might support your well-being?
Is there a friend you’ve been meaning to check in on?
Knowing that the quality of our relationships is one of the strongest predictors of happiness, meaning, and longevity, are there any adjustments you’d like to make to your priorities?
Thanks for being here friends. Thanks for being fountains and deep wells for me, for your own communities and for The Collective.
If you feel called to share this issue with the fountains in your life and help us grow The Collective, we’d be honored.
Love,
Daniela
Daniela Young
Founder, The Ōnda Collective
